A diary of a single mother

As he checks his younger sister’s phone, he comes across a picture. He scroll down to see more but the picture disappears. He scroll up and he sees it again. As he stares at the picture, his sister walks in and asks for her phone but he does not want to let it go. He asks, ” who is the beautiful flower on your phone, I bet she does not go to the toilet…she is damn beautiful?”.
“She is my friend and classmate”, she said. He asked her to invite her over so he can see her in reality. She refused but she one day came to visit her unexpectedly. As she walks in by the gate, the friend’s brother sees her from a distance. As she comes closer, he drops a glass of water and it brakes. The sister comes to welcome her and introduces him to her friend. He shakes her hand. He starts to sweat and look directly into her eyes. She gives him a million dollar smile and they both don’t want to let go of each others hands.

It was February the 14th when Happiness met her first love. On the day when love is celebrated. Her first boyfriend to have ever dated, her virginity breaker, her soulmate and her everything. It was love at first site.

She met her boyfriend when she was 15 years old while he was 23 years old, in 2007. After 2 years in a relationship, the boyfriend got arrested for 8 months after the police found stolen illegal firearms at his apartment along with his friends. Happiness found out from her sister in-law who was her classmate when they were sitting in a group at school. She sipped a litre bottle of water without stopping to breath. She then took her bagpack and ran faster.

During the lessons, her close classmates kept on looking at their watches as the teacher was teaching. Probably wondering where she went to. After school, the sister in-law found her chilling with other boys at the park and said nothing to her.

Her shameful eyes were red in colour, her cheeks were pink and dry, when people looked at her she would look away. Stress and moods started to emerge as she missed someone whom she thought she could not live without, her soulmate, and her everything. She looked for various methods to ease the pain of not seeing him and tried smoking but couldn’t handle the smoke, then gave herself to alcohol.

She met someone while the boyfriend was away and slept with him to fill the absence and to feel better but regretted the action. Eight months later, the boyfriend came back and found out that Happiness betrayed him. He forgave her and claimed that he loved her. He held a grudge in him that Happiness cheated on him when he was away. He became jealous and insecure which made him to physically and emotionally abuse her.

He would beat her for every little mistake and if he saw her with a guy, she would be in trouble. He would blackmail her sometimes, play mind games with her and if she did not agree with what he wanted she would wake up with bruises all over her body.

When she was in grade 12, she fell pregnant and was disappointed in herself but there was nothing she could do because she is not a fan of Abortion. However, the boyfriend tried to force her to abort the baby but she refused and he beat her up. After her first trimester, she miscarried the baby. Her family did not know anything and when they found out about the miscarriage, they were mad and disappointed in her because they did not believe that their own daughter was in such a situation at an early age as she looked so innocent.

Happiness continued to stay in the relationship even with everything that has happened because she loved him. The boyfriend got arrested again for the same offence but got away with. During his short stay at the holding cells, Happiness found out that he met a constable and dated her but lied that it was his sister as she was older than him. She believed the story and apologized for believing rumours.

One day, she went to visit him at his home. She saw a pregnant woman sitting under the tree and greeted her curiously. As she was shaking her hand, she stared at her as if she was thinking something of her, as if she saw her before but couldn’t remember where. She went straight to the house and before she could knock, she overheard people talking, ” now that you made the constable pregnant, what about Happiness? When are you planning to tell her? The poor girl loves you shame.” said one of the ladies who were talking. She knocked and when they opened the door, she was drowning in tears. “I heard everything” she said.

Her mother in-law welcomed her and comforted her. She then explained that she did not know anything, she just found out that day. Along the explanation, it came out that the boyfriend was cheating on Happiness with older women and the constable is carrying twins. Happiness felt so small and unloved. She started to distance herself from him but he couldn’t let her. She tried breaking up with him but he refused and still claimed to have loved her.

She blamed herself. She blamed herself for cheating on him. If she had not slept with the guy maybe the boyfriend could have not treated her the way he did. Maybe he could have treated her like the Dutches of Cambridge. Some part of her thought that her actions changed him. If he loved her, he would have told her about anything in his life maybe she would have helped him in a way for not going to jail. If he was not a bad boy, then maybe she would have not gave herself to the guy, to feel better.

After matriculating, Happiness fell pregnant again. She was confused and couldn’t understand how. The boyfriend was happy that time, that she was pregnant. He then told her that he got her pregnant deliberately because he knew she is against abortions and she will never leave him. Happiness got angry because she was fed up with his actions and wanted to leave him but he continued to even want to ruin her future. She broke up with him for real and never wanted to see him again. She even wished she never met him.

After giving birth to a baby girl, she called him to come see their daughter because she felt it would be unfair for him not to be part of his daughter life. During her stay at the hospital, he never came. He only came when she was discharged and insisted on taking Happiness and their little one home but she refused as her father was the one to be fetching them. Since then, he never called or bought anything for his daughter. Happiness had to drop out of University of South Africa because she couldn’t study properly. Her parents were disappointed but supported her in everything she did.

She then decided to apply for a learnership so she can provide for her daughter. Luckily, she was accepted and went through all the processes. She is now a dealer at Monte casino and is able to provide for her daughter and family as well. She went back to Unisa to enroll for Bachelor of Accounting in Accounting Sciences and pays for her studies. She loves her daughter more than anything in this world. She is the reason why she always wakes up in the morning to conquer life’s difficulties and to be a stronger woman. She makes sure that she works hard so her daughter does not suffer and encounter herself in unpleasant situations.

It’s not easy for her as a single parent, an employee and a student but she is hanging in there. With the strong support system she has in her family, she is able to balance her time within school, work, family, friends and most importantly her daughter. She believes that she has changed to be a better person and will never take decisions that will jeopardize her life anymore as she has grown.

She believes that teenage pregnancy didn’t destroy her future, “if you tell yourself that your future is dead then it will be dead” she said. She has learned on her mistakes and will not allow history to repeat itself. Even though her mistakes are irreversible, even though things didn’t go as she wished, even though she disappointed her family, she still believes that she can conquer the world and achieve her dreams.

She might be single but she believes that one day she will find a man who is going to love and respect her and her daughter. She might have gone through rough patches in terms of relationships, she might have been in an abusive relationship but she still believes in love and see love as a beautiful thing that should be celebrated.

In life, not everything will go they way it is planned but how God has planned it. Sometimes God gives you situations on purpose to test your strength and faith in him and he will never give you situations you can’t handle. It is up to you to give up or pray and face the storms.

In life, no one is perfect but it is up to you to perfect your life perfectly. Mistakes are there and will always be there. Never judge a person’s mistakes for you don’t know how your tomorrow will be like. Never judge and laugh a woman’s scar because you might not know your mother’s history or what you will encounter in life. Rather comfort her, offer her a shoulder to cry on and tell her that it’s not over now happiness is coming your way.

  

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Open letter to June 16

Dear June 16, Youth Day.

I am normally a person who loves abiding by given rules. You invite me to a certain event and there is a specific theme, believe me i shall not disappoint. But, i have a problem with rocking school uniform on Youth Day. Not because I no longer own one or it doesn’t fit well anymore but because I don’t want to and will never ever till death do me part unless i am well convinced by our youth ( youth of democracy, born frees, youth of 1994 to date). People, I will never wear school uniform on Youth Day unless I work for an institution that tells me to wear it or else I won’t get paid.

I don’t see a valid reason to commemorate Youth Day while putting on school uniform because honestly, it’s a disgrace. Firstly, the uniform is been pimped like hell. Would you pimp it to school on a normal school day? No. Is it June 16 commemoration or pens down celebration? Is it Youth day or alcohol day? Yes it’s okay to go out and have fun with friends, colleagues, and family…and have some glasses of wine or whiskey but don’t say you are celebrating the youth of 1976 rather say you are celebrating a school holiday, reunion or day off at work. Youth day is not celebrated but commemorated.

People, please do not disrespect the youth of 1976. They shared blood for education and majority of them were killed. Education, I mean free education ( NB: NOT FREE HIGHER EDUCATION), they fought for ‘phansi with Afrikaans’, helped freedom fighters fight for apartheid to come to an end, for South Africa to be a Republic. By doing that, they wanted to better their lives and for poverty to decrease. The youth of today, are sharing blood for Nyaope, alcohol, HIV/AIDS, Blessers, girlfriends and boyfriends, over stolen goods, hatred, jealousy, Xenophobic attacks. Well, not all the youth of today is doing just that but majority rules.

The youth of today start to have sex at the age of 13, put on make-up, put on weaves with school uniform, wear a 0,1 cm skirt while going to school, falling pregnant at the age of 13 with so much exposure to the electronic media and traditional media. And then have the nerve to blame it on adolescent stage which can be controlled and lack of access to information. We are living in a former ‘Third world’ where majority of people live in towns and cities ( and townships), but few in rural areas meaning few young people should be complaining about free access to information because of lack of money as a result of their actions.

Naked pictures and sex tapes goes viral on social media, there is no difference between a young person and an adult because of ‘ I have a right to this and and that’ to every wrongful act and disrespectful verbal communication, what a cliché. Young people are living like they conceived themselves while the parents are still alive. How does one even commemorate this day while they don’t have grade 11? Thanking the youth of 1976 that you did not finish school?  Hello, there are some slow learners who did not give up even when they were called stupids, even when there was no electricity, no food nor money for lunch, no shoes to wear to go to school but they made it.

We all have a logical thinking but it depends if you know how to use it or not. If the youth of 1976 made a difference then what is stopping us? Why don’t you open a non-profit or non-government organization in your community, open a business or draw a plan, ask for help and one day you might get sponsors, go to school to help people and not only to buy an AMG, help your neighbour with an assignment, start by volunteering. Remember that someone died for you to get free education so why be too proud to help others.

During Youth Day, why not have or hold  a concert where young people would be showcasing their talents…poetry, drama, music, art, fashion, food, reading, debate, sport even if it is not that fancy or attended by Bonang Matheba or President Jacob Zuma. Why not go to children’s homes and orphanages and put a smile on their faces?  Yes some people are doing this but they are few.

With what the majority of youth of democracy if not all are doing today which is making Hector Peterson turn in his grave..I shall not wear school unform on 16 June, Youth Day.

Yours faithfully,
Lebogang Nkhabelane.

Blind eye turned on Nepotism

Nepotism is hardly discussed in the parliament, traditional media, social media, television and the radio. It occurs in almost everyday across South Africa but a closed case it is, unlike other forms of corruption that even trends on the social media.

Nepotism is slowly destroying the country’s economy and people do not realise that. Many people work for big companies without qualifications and required skills, sometimes they do not even need to submit a curriculum vitae. Some of this people do not provide efficient effort to their jobs.

Many people with trained skills and qualifications don’t get responses after being interviewed and some don’t even get to this stage as their documents are shredded and thrown to the rubbish bins without being looked at hence they know who got the position already.
This leads to people working for organisations that do not offer their field of interests, skills and qualifications because of favour and “having no choice”.

However, some people who are favoured are really qualified, best for the job, have required skills and qualifications. They are just lucky that their family members are politically connected.

Nepotism affects service delivery from the government because proper service is not provided as people who are employed don’t know how to go about it while they are busy earning a lot of money.

There are laws that prevents such activities but they are neglected. The laws such as, The Prevention and Combating of Corrupt Activities Act which stipulates that if you give someone a gift so that he or she or their family member secures you a favour from the government, you are committing the crime of corruption. Section 12 of the act specifically criminalises giving (or receiving) any gratification to improperly influence the procurement of a contract with a public body or a company.

Giving any “gratification” includes hiring the family member of a government employee, also called nepotism, to induce that employee into helping your business win a government contract. This is great in theory. However, you have probably never heard of any company or individual being prosecuted for hiring politically connected individuals in order to secure government contracts because it is notoriously difficult to prove that someone was hired by a company to secure government work for that company.

“Corruption and nepotism impeded community access to housing and services, and led to the collapse of some municipal governments and to widespread protests among affected communities,” read a report by Amnesty International on human rights in South Africa.

Related sources:
http://www.corruptionwatch.org.za/nepotism-must-be-tackled/

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